Worst Blogger EVER!!!

So I feel like a broken record…but maybe…just maybe…3rd times a charm!?
SO last year I thought would be the year that I would actually blog consistently (or was that the year before???). Well SO MUCH has changed in my life in this past year. A met a man, fell in love, got enaged, planned a wedding, got married and became a stepmom to 3 amazing kids, all in the course of about 6 1/2 months!!!

So I will NOT make any promises…I will NOT say that I will blog consistently (or at all) but I do know that there are a lot of things that I have brewing in terms of writing, creating, doing….and I hope to find, no, scratch that…I hope to MAKE the time to do those things that I really feel I want to do.

So…to start off the year I will finish this VERY short blog by sharing with  you what my New Year’s Resolution Word of the Year is: Renewal.  I feel terrible ending with that because my mind goes a billion miles per second thinking of all the areas in my life in which I want to renew!!!  But alas, I shall close this paragraph and leave both of us wanting more!!!

Letting go

As some of you may know, most of my life I have had to learn to be independent and/or take control of situations. My first marriage was no different.  I’ve lived most of my life fixing or regaining control of problems, circumstances, etc.  I have become the kind of person who doesn’t just have a plan A, but a plan B and C and even back up plans for my backup plans. I think and over think scenarios in my mind so I feel prepared,  i.e. in control of the situation and any possible adverse reactions to said situation. I have learned that God is in control and I have permitted him to have that role.  However, when it came to people, it was not so.  In my first marriage, in my friendships, in life in general…I’ve always had to function in this way.  

Then I met him.  My knight in shining armor.  The one man who has proven to me that I am NOT alone in this crazy thing called life.  He has shown me that he has my back.  He’s in my corner.   He has shown me the joy and wonder of spontaneity. He has shown me that it’s okay to not to have everything figured out, because most of the time he already does or has already started considering the possibilities, always considering these things through prayer. He’s shown me that I can be a woman. And by that, I mean, I can function without the pressures of having to have everything figured out alone. I can be vulnerable, open, candid and dependent when I’m with him.
The revelation:
A few weeks ago we went for a walk around dusk. I was holding on to his arm because I didn’t want to lose my footing and it was a little difficult to see where I was going. We started walking the trail and he asked me, “You can’t see anything?” And my immediate response was,  “No, but I trust that you know where we are going so I’ll just keep holding on to you.” 

The next day God spoke to me about that. I’ve learned to depend on God but I’ve never really learned to depend on others, not to that extreme. Until now. I can whole heartedly say that I completely trust Chris with my heart, my emotions, my life. For once,  I don’t have things figured out or planned out. .. and I’m okay with that. Because I know that first of all, God’s in control and secondly Chris is a godly man who, with and through prayer are more than able to be my covering and lead me, too.

I look forward to spending more time with this man.  Walking alongside him, yet letting him lead.  

When it rains it pours….

When it rains it pours…..

I am sure I am not the only one that has experienced these seasons in life.  I myself love the rain…the sights, the smells, the sounds, the aftermath…but only if I am home.  (Unless of course we are talking about playing in the rain…in which case I don’t mind getting wet, etc., but truth be told, these times are VERY infrequent!)

I detest being caught out and about in the rain. My hair becomes a mess. My glasses get wet and it becomes virtually IMPOSSIBLE to clean them!  My clothes become drenched and inevitably my shoes and socks become sopping wet!

However, if I am home…or in a “safe” place I love to open the doors and windows and listen to the rain pour down. I enjoy watching the water pour over everything and wash it all away…. reminiscent of a bath…ridding everything it touches of the old while simultaneously making it new, fresh and clean. The smell of the wet dirt takes me back to many childhood memories. After a good rain, everything just feels like a rebirth or a new start.

I have to think about these times in life that I have enjoyed the rain because it provides much insight into the storms of life in which I, like many, face.  Currently, I am experiencing one of those “when it rains it pours” kind of seasons professionally, personally, in relationships, financially, in my health, with my immediate family…and the list goes on and on.  I’ve had my moment to sulk, complain, whine and cry about it…now I am accepting this season as the vehicle for which something new, fresh and exciting will happen in all aspects of my life.

There is a song by Mercy Me titled “Bring the Rain”. The lyrics perfectly embody the idea that Jesus is with us through every storm in our life.

Here are the lyrics:

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I’ve gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It’s never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there’ll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what’s a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

 

{Read more: Mercy Me – Bring The Rain Lyrics | MetroLyrics http://www.metrolyrics.com/bring-the-rain-lyrics-mercy-me.html }

Isn’t it an amazing song? Christ is with us, no matter what we are going through.  I have had to really shift my mentality to where it once was in my walk with Christ. I allowed my circumstances to distract me from keeping my eyes on Christ.  Do I consider myself perfect? Absolutely not! But I can now say without a doubt that I am wholly given to my Lord.  I have asked him to forgive me for being angry and bitter at HIM for my circumstances.   I had to learn that our Lord is SO amazing, so forgiving and such a gentleman that he DOES NOT impose HIS perfect will on ANYONE and despite MY desires and prayers which involve other people…those individuals must seek to please HIM and put HIM first in their lives because Jesus will not force them to change. So ultimately I have sought forgiveness from him and have chosen to forgive those people in my life who are currently the perpetrators of the storms in my life.  I have chosen to allow the rain in the stormy season I am in to bring me closer to Jesus. I believe that Jesus will use these storms in life to wash away the pain, the hurt and all that is old and ultimately will bring forth new things that are full of joy and happiness in my life.  I pray that you do the same should you find yourself in a similar situation.

Here is a link to the song for you to listen to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9N1F1_ub7A

 

 

 

 

Happily ever after???

On April 8, 2001 I married a wonderful man.  I said my vows and meant every word.  The “til death do you part” was very real for me then as it is now.  Unfortunately, here I am today, divorced.  There I said it.  I am divorced.  After almost 13 years of marriage, I am officially divorced.

I don’t share this news with pride or shame.  I share it as a fact.

In fact this is information I wish I didn’t have to really share with anyone because the journey to get to this place is very complicated and personal.  But after living and loving my wonderful (yes wonderful…more on that later) ex-husband for almost 13 years, there is no escaping the reality that we are no longer together as husband and wife.

We are currently navigating our relationship as friends.  Will this last?  Will this work?  Will we reconcile?  I have no answer to any of these questions.

I will always love him.  Despite anything and everything that has happened between us during our time being married…I know that he will always hold a very special place in my heart and life.

I’m sure you are wondering how I can call my ex-husband wonderful.  And if he is so wonderful…why is he my ex?  Again…it’s complicated (which I know sounds so cliché).  My ex-husband, just as I do, has many shortcomings and failings….this doesn’t take away from the fact that he was wonderful many times during the course of our marriage.  I won’t go into examples, because these are personal memories that I would rather keep for myself.

For my friends and family…I thank you for your concern.  I thank you for your prayers.  I thank you for understanding and most importantly I appreciate you respecting my privacy in this personal matter.  Please know that Antonio always regarded the family he married into as his own family.  To this day he would help out in a heartbeat if the need arose.  I have no idea what the future holds for me.  I do know however, that with the prayers and support of my family and friends, I will be alright.

A dream no longer deferred

In 2009, after 13 years of being out of college I decided to go back to school and finish that degree.  After working for many years in different positions from customer service centers, teaching assistant for Special Needs students for over 6 years, to a position as a billing manager for a pediatric office, I had finally settled within myself that I wanted, no needed, to pursue my first love of teaching.  I had always wanted to be a teacher but from the time I was able to dream a dream of “what I want to be when I grow up”, I was told that I shouldn’t pursue teaching because, “you’re so smart, you should become a doctor or a lawyer”.  {Don’t even get me started on THAT comment and what it insinuates about the teaching profession.} Anyhow…

In the Spring of 2009 I met with an amazing academic counselor at The University of Texas at Austin.  I told her that I wanted to become a Bilingual Special Education teacher.  She explained to me that there wasn’t a single certification for a Bilingual Special Education teacher.  She explained to me that I would have to finish my degree and obtain my initial certification in either Bilingual Education or Special Education and then later sit for the exam for the other certification.  I decided to pursue the path of becoming a Bilingual teacher first and then later on becoming Special Education certified.

I started school in the summer of 2009 and plowed through until my graduation in December of 2011.  I was hired as a Bilingual teacher in 2012 and have been working with the Homebound Department with Austin Independent School District.  I had planned to take the Special Education certification exam right away but always had a reason (excuse, really) why I couldn’t (wouldn’t) take the test.  On my birthday, January 30, 2014 I registered for the Special Ed certification exam to be taken on March 3. Once that $120 is paid it’s a little difficult to look back, so I just bit the bullet and did it.

March 3: testing day.  It was awful, horrible, horrendous!  I have awful test anxiety, almost debilitating…no wait it is debilitating. I unfortunately learned this the hard way.  When I took my first three state exams in 2012, my father was still alive.  He is the last person that I spoke to before I walked in to the testing center and the first person I called when I left.  He had a way of unknowingly (or possibly knowingly) calm me and distract me from my anxiety prior to and even after my tests.  That morning I realized how absolutely dependent I had been on father to get me through these challenges.  Now I have to say I really don’t know why I have this horrible testing anxiety.  I have never actually bombed a test.  In fact I have always passed my tests with flying colors.  But that is all besides the point.  That morning I was freaking out and trying to figure out what I could do to get myself to calm down and be ready for this test.  I texted a few key friends and posted a small cry for help, prayers and whatnot on my Facebook page. After a few minutes I just walked in to the testing center.

Once I was in there the man helping to register me was so nice and laid back, very “keep Austin weird”.  He had a very calming vibe.  I totally forgot about the testing anxiety!  We joked around about him putting me on computer 1 because as he said, “You’re number 1.” I began the test with no issues or problems.  The test is 135 questions.  At question 70, I was marking the question to refer back to it and then all of a sudden this barrage of memories of the different times my father and I had discussed how I had studied/prepped for my exams, how I thought I had done, etc., hit me like a ton of bricks.  The the tears just started running down my face.  I wasn’t sobbing.  The tears just ran down my face.  I quietly exited the room.  Made my way to the bathroom and cried.  I wept for my daddy.  I wept for the fact that my daddy is no longer here.  I miss my father dearly.  I think of him many times during a single day.  But that day, that painful reminder that my father is not here.  He is not here during the time that I was taking this test.  He won’t be here when I take any additional tests.  He won’t be here for the day that I have children (should I ever have any).  He won’t be here to celebrate any more successes.  He won’t be here to melt away the anxiety and panic that so often hits me. My father is gone.  Yes, I know that he made heaven his home so I know that really is in a better place.  But I’m without my daddy.  I am without my best friend.  I am without the only man on the face of this Earth that has ever shown me unconditional love.

I finally pulled myself together.  I opted to just go back and finish the the exam because Lord knows I wasn’t going to give up after spending $120 for that test.  I figured well I’d rather finish it and get a not passing score than leave and never know if I could have passed it.  So I did.  I finished the test.  I walked out of the testing center and cried in my car.  3 hours and 20 minutes later I was finally done with that test and I was completely and utterly convinced I had bombed it.  I was already contemplating my next step, looking up how soon I could retest.

The next day (March 4) I receive an email at 11:15 am that the testing scores are already ready.  Of course I immediately went to the website and of course, my luck…the FREAKING SERVER WAS DOWN!!!!! WHAT!!?????

After trying and trying and trying to get on the website, I called the help line, hoping that I would be able to get scores over the phone….and nope!  I was told to give it an hour and that for sure if it wasn’t up within the hour, it would be up by 1pm.  At 12:40ish I was finally able to log on and view my score……

Image

I PASSED!!!!!

I was so extremely excited.  I couldn’t believe that I had passed despite the craziness of what had happened.  I am thankful that I did.  After many years working jobs that I wasn’t very passionate about.  After working my butt off to maintain all A’s in my return to UT.  After all that work I can now say…I am now a certified Bilingual Special Education teacher!   WOOHOO!!!

Insta-Blessings

Instagram….I know, for many it’s “just another social media site”.  But I beg to differ.  Stick with me for a second.  

WAIT!!!  Hold’em up….Before I delve into the nitty gritty of how AWESOME Instagram has been for me, please let me put this disclaimer out there:  I personally believe that anything can be misused for an inappropriate, malicious, or sinful nature if not handled properly.  I don’t just mean Instagram.  This goes for everything from Facebook, smartphones, computers, friendships, food, etc.   

Ok….back to my original point.  Oh yes…my new love affair/borderline addiction/obsession with Instagram.  I absolutely love how many people from out of town I am able to micro-connect with on a daily or weekly basis.  (I have no idea if micro-connect is even a word, but here is the definition of it in my mind:  micro-connect: (verb) to connect in a small way through small but powerful ways such as a text, email, post or like via social media outlet.)  These micro-connections have come from long time friends with whom I had lost contact with, as well as with new insta-friends that I have made through other friends on Instagram.  

RECONNECTING:

My most recent re-connection is with a wonderful friend of mine, Erica Morgan (aka Erica Aragon).  I had lost contact with her years ago, simply because of distance and whatnot.  Well here recently she found me on Instagram and we sporadically post and/or like on each other’s Instagram posts.  

I have enjoyed seeing posts of her beautiful daughters, her life as a mother and wife and also her life as a pioneering pastor’s wife.  I love feeling like I am still part of her life if even through these micro-connections that occur sometimes in the wee hours of the night when my insomnia keeps me up later than a normal person should ever be up!!!!  

NEW CONNECTIONS

My favorite new connection is another pastor’s wife, Patti.  She is an AMAZING woman of God with a wonderfully large family.  She is a mother of 11!!!  The reason why I insta-stalk, I mean follow Patti is because of her precious four year old daughter Lily.  That little girl is SO AMAZING!!!  She makes me smile just by looking at her pictures.  When we are blessed to have a Lilygram that is a video – O M G!!!  She is SO ridiculously adorable!!!  She warms my heart and livens my spirit.  I am so blessed to have “met” Patti through my friends Geneva (@genevawacker) and Tatiana (@mechinus4).  

OTHER BLESSINGS

My last Insta-blessing has been through @Instasecretsisters.  It is a “game” if you will, where names are exchanged and gifts mailed out for a 3 month cycle.  This labor of love is all managed by the AMAZING Kim Marsh.  I have been SO blessed to be gifting to the person that I was given.  I have been enjoying buying her gifts, writing her cards and yes, I admit, insta-stalking her page to know more about her and her wonderful family.  

When I first started “using” Instagram, I rarely if EVER looked on it much.  Now?  Well, as you’ve already read, I am a little on the obsessed side!  I have to admit that I also have made a purchase or two on some sites because of what they have posted on Instagram…but more on that later!  

‘Til next time!!! 

(P.S.:  I’m feeling like a champ right now because I have already exceeded my New Year’s resolution on blog posts!!! LOL)

Ice Ice Baby

Originally written on Jan 24th, but for whatever reason I never actually posted it???

It’s almost 5 am and I have yet to go to bed.  Why the insomnia?  Well you see, today we are supposed to be having snow here in Austin, Tx.  AISD along with other districts in the area have closed for the day or are having a late start day.

From 5pm yesterday evening to midnight, Travis County EMS personally responded to over 110 traffic/vehicle collisions.  This should give you some insight as to the kind of havoc ice/sleet/potential snow wreaks on drivers in Austin (and Central/South Texas for that matter).

I will confess, I had been checking the AISD website all evening.  The site stated that they would know more by 9pm.  At that time, they stated that they would be monitoring the weather and would have word by no later than 5am.  By 11:30 p.m. the website reflected the decision to close for the day on Jan. 24th due to the weather conditions.  Of course, before we could get too excited, AISD officials were quick to remind us that the June 6th make-up day would be used in place of the cancellation.  Thanks for bursting my bubble.  I’m sure as May comes along I will be wishing that we’d not had the Ice day but for now, I am rejoicing at the idea of another 3 day weekend.

So what does one do when they find out they have a three day weekend?  Stay up and wait to see snow, of course!  I called my best friend to find out if she would be joining me in playing in the snow this year just like she had two years ago.  I bribed her with coffee (yay Keurig!!!) and with the idea of us making snow angels in my front yard.

After a late night snack and some coffee we had great conversation but not a single bit of snow…not one bit.

New Year, New Beginnings….yet again!

So I “started” my blog last year, January 2013 and just as quickly as I started it, I dropped it.  I don’t recall the reasons why I never kept up with it…but the bottom line is I never did.  I will make another attempt to try to blog.   

I do not have resolutions for the year.  2014 will be about change.  Maybe not monumental, in your face, change…but change nonetheless.  I haven’t put them down on paper.  But I will, soon.  Before I do that, I want to take time to reassess my goals from last year, to see how I fared and see which were achieved, which need to be revised and which ones were not and why.  

Change is good.  It might be a change in attitude, perspective, looks, diet, etc.  But change, while scary, because let’s get real…..we are humans and it is inherently in our nature to resist change.  But I thank God that He loves me so much that while he accepts me as I am, He loves me too much to allow me to stay the same….and so he allows us to go through different seasons in our lives which bring change. 

I have committed to try to blog more frequently than last year (I only blogged once in 2013, so all I have to do is one more blog in 2014 and I can say I was twice as good this year than last-LOL).   

I will start this year’s blog by asking for prayers.  We are currently in revival with Evangelist Jerry Fussell.  Pray for souls to come to the services and receive miracles in healing, salvation and restoration.  Pray for the members of our church to be renewed, refreshed and yes changed.  I pray that for myself.  

Here’s to a wonderful 2014 and all the change that is to come!!!!

New Year, New Beginnings…

In 1995 I accepted Jesus Christ in my heart as my Lord and Savior.  The past 18 years have been quite a journey.  God has taken me to mountaintops of blessings, times of rejoicing and gladness; and he has also been with me through the valleys of despair and grief.  Through it all, God has always been by my side.  He has also blessed me tremendously with a wonderful support system in my husband, family (biological and church) and friends.  I am so very blessed to have some of the BEST friends ever and I dare say one of the BEST church families ever.  My loving and patient husband has been very supportive of me in my endeavors. 

As I look forward to 2013 and all it will bring I can’t help but look back at all that God has brought me through and helped me with.  He has shown himself faithful through it all.  While I might not always feel as if though God is listening to my hearts cry, I know that He is.  His answers to our prayers are yes, no, wait/not now.  Sometimes I confuse the wait/not now as a lack of response.  Oftentimes I take the no as God not listening.  But I am slowly learning that God always has my best interest in mind and that unlike me, he sees the bigger picture. 

I believe that 2013 will be a year of blessing for my church, my family and myself.  I have to believe, in faith that God will see himself glorified through our lives.  2012 was a year of great loss for me as I lost my father on May 17th, my grandmother on July 17th and my Pastor on December 29th.  Every one of these individuals had a major impact in my life.  They have all gone to be with our Lord in heaven.  While I rejoice in their blessing and reward of heaven, I still grieve and long to have them here with me.  I  know, it sounds selfish, but it’s the truth.  All three of these amazing people, “fought the good fight, finished the race, kept the faith” just like 2 Timothy 4:7 exorts us to do.  With this in mind, I pray to God that I am able to live out a life with the same idealogy as in Acts 20:24, “However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and
complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me–the task of testifying to the
gospel of God’s grace.”

I hope to use this blog as a way to journal through this crazy thing called life.  I hope to use this as a forum to share victories and prayer requests alike.  I invite you to follow along, comment and most of all, pray.  I can not promise that every post will be spiritual or scriptural, I am after all, human! I love to shop (boy do I ever!!), I have recently started a wonderful path to a healthier, thinner me (yay!), I also love bargains (yes, this is also shopping, so I guess you get the point that I love to shop) and love giving my opinion (unsolicited, most of the time). 

So I leave you today with this simple message on my first blog of 2013:  Happy New Year!!!  May 2013 be YOUR year of blessings!  Don’t wait for things to happen – get out there and MAKE them happen!